Forgiveness Takes Heart

Instructions

• Tell students: Today we are going to talk about forgiveness. We might think of forgiveness as something we do for the other person. But forgiveness is actually something that really benefits us as the forgiver. It can mean letting go of grudges, healing our own wounds from conflicts, and ultimately freeing up our mental energy for other things – rather than using it all up focusing on the hurt or negative feelings. But forgiveness can be really hard – no matter the size of the hurt you received. Sometimes staying mad feels good in the moment – or even feels like what the other person deserves. But holding onto anger and resentment can wear on our well-being in the long run.
• Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Everyone forgives in their own time. That’s ok. You need to be genuinely ready to forgive. Be patient with yourself.
• Today, we are going to try out the “HEART” method, for learning how to work towards forgiveness. This reflection might help you move towards forgiveness when you want to.
• You can use the handout provided, to invite students to journal about each reflection. Or they can just reflect quietly.

H – E – A – R -T

H: Hope and Optimism

Think of a situation where you’re holding onto hurt or anger. Now imagine this conflict resolved in the future. Picture yourself feeling lighter, the relationship healed, or simply at peace with what happened. What would that feel like? Hold onto that hopeful image.

E: Empathy & Understanding

Consider the person who hurt you as a whole human being. What struggles might they be facing? What fears or pain could have influenced their actions? This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but can you see them as imperfect, just like everyone else?

A: Acceptance & Self-compassion

Place your hand on your heart (or simply focus your attention on your heart). Acknowledge that being hurt is part of being human. Speak to yourself like you would a good friend: “It’s natural to feel upset when someone hurts you. You deserve kindness and healing.” Forgive yourself for any harsh thoughts you’ve had.

R: Reflection & Gratitude

Think of three things you’re grateful for right now – they can be big or small, related to this situation or not. Notice how focusing on what’s good in your life creates space for healing. What has this difficult experience taught you about yourself or life?

T: Thoughtful Action & Altruism

Consider one small act of kindness you could do today for someone else – a friend, family member, or stranger. It could be as simple as a genuine compliment or holding a door. When we give to others, we often find it easier to let go of our own pain.

Optional Extensions

• You can use this handout for students to follow along, or students can respond to the prompts above in their journals.

Reflection & Discussion

• Invite students to reflect and discuss:
  • How did you feel after these exercises?
  • Did any exercise stand out as something that might help you reach forgiveness with someone or yourself?
  • Which of these felt difficult for you?

Source

Jenna Whitehead, Ph.D., Simon Fraser University; inspired by Uzun, K., & Karataş, Z. (2025).

Evidence That It Works

In a study of 161 emerging adults from a Turkish university, researchers split the students into two matched groups – one received a 10-session (90-min each) training program that focused on optimism, self-compassion, altruism, and gratitude, while the other group didn’t. The results showed that participants who went through the positive psychology-based program reported being better able to forgive themselves, others, and to let go of past difficult situations compared to those who didn’t receive the training. These improvements in forgiveness lasted even when researchers checked back with participants later, suggesting that focusing on these four positive qualities can be an effective way to help young people develop stronger forgiveness skills.

Why Does it Matter?

Adolescents face intense social and emotional challenges that can leave them feeling hurt and angry. When they can’t effectively process these difficult feelings, they often either bottle them up until they explode or take their pain out on others.

Educators can create safer schools that support students’ mental health by showing teens that forgiveness is their choice – and forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior or staying friends with someone who hurt them. Teaching forgiveness skills helps students reduce anxiety, depression, and anger while learning healthier ways to cope.