Take-Home Skill: Nurture Conversation Skills to Bridge Differences for Teens

Instructions

Overview: You can help your teen learn dialogue skills to help them bridge differences by talking about and practicing them together. The more your teen becomes familiar with and gets comfortable using these communication skills, the more they will feel confident that they have strengths to successfully have conversations with people who seem different or have different points of view.

Activity: When you’re already doing something together like riding in the car or taking a walk, tell your teen about a conversation you had or are going to have with someone who seemed different from you or had a different point of view. Share with your teen the following five communication tips that can help make conversations like this positive.

Discuss these five tips by adapting the prompts below using a familiar conversational style that feels natural for you. 

• Share examples of times when you’ve used these tips or when you noticed their absence during a conversation you had.
• Invite your teen to share any times they’ve seen someone use these strategies or when they would find them to be helpful. 
• Which of these tips do you already use regularly? Which new ones are you ready to try? Which ones require more thinking about and practice?

Dialogue Tips

1. Invite people to tell you their perspectives.
   • Ask someone who has a different experience or background from you for their point of view on a topic or issue and listen with the goal of seeking to understand.
   • For example, “Would you please tell me about your perspective on…?”
2. Exchange personal experiences that have shaped your points of view.
   • Sharing personal stories–particularly experiences that reveal vulnerability, if appropriate–can increase respect.
   • For example, “Tell me about your personal experiences that have shaped the way you view…”
3. Use language that shows you’re open-minded and sincerely willing to consider different points of view.
   • Show you’re listening by using “I” statements, like “I understand where you’re coming from” or “I see your point.”
   • Acknowledge limitations or the possibility that things don’t always happen the same way for everyone with words, like “somewhat” or “might” or phrases, like “It’s sometimes the case that…”
   • Use positive words to affirm, like “That’s true” rather than negative words, like “That’s not true.”
   • Highlight agreement or common ground, like “I agree that it’s a difficult situation, which is why…”
4. Recognize that multiple perspectives exist and pay attention to practical solutions.
   • Acknowledge how you’re considering different viewpoints.
   • Be humble–there are limits to what you know.
   • Work to solve problems in a way that recognizes everyone’s needs.
5. Avoid trying to persuade people with “right or wrong” arguments.
   • Attempting to convince someone who disagrees with you that a position is good or bad can increase polarization and conflict.
   • Instead, discuss ways that a position is practical from your perspective.
     • How do the benefits outweigh the costs of a particular position? 
     • What is realistic or feasible about a particular position?  
     • How does a particular position use resources effectively?

Discuss with your teen that if they notice that a conversation they are having becomes overwhelming, for example, because there is a power imbalance, then they can always exit the conversation. Sometimes feelings of discomfort can mean that it might not be OK or safe to interact with someone. Help your teen identify other trusted adults in their lives whom they can turn to for support when they’re feeling unsettled about a conversation. Knowing who to reach out to is an important strategy for your teen to have at the ready.

Evidence That It Works

Researchers reviewed the results of multiple studies to distill insights on how to improve goodwill between groups with different points of view.  Their findings revealed that there were three levels of interventions for this goal: (1) targeting thoughts, (2) targeting relationships, and (3) targeting institutions. 

Based on the relationship interventions that were reviewed in the study, the researchers found that building dialogue skills was an important way to address people’s fears of talking about different points of view, especially with people who seem different from them. The studies revealed that people who are well-prepared with communication strategies to engage in constructive conversations have more productive and enjoyable interactions. What’s more, they perceive people who have viewpoints different from their own more positively.

Why Does It Matter?

When teens are afraid to talk to people who have different points of view than their own, then they will avoid these uncomfortable conversations. If a majority of teens don’t feel confident to be in dialogue with people who seem different, then that prevents the opportunity to bridge differences. What’s more, if only a fraction of teens are having the most extreme conversations across differences, then it paints the false impression that any conversation between groups will lead to extreme situations and animosity.

Teens need support to know that conversations across differences are not only possible, but can be positive. When teens can practice dialogue skills that prepare them for constructive conversations, they will feel more comfortable to try to engage with people who seem different. Respectful conversations marked by deep listening can lead to greater understanding and a chance for bridge-building across differences, which can counteract strong trends toward misunderstanding, polarization, and hostility.

References

Abeywickrama, R. S., Rhee, J. J., Crone, D. L., & Laham, S. M. (2020). Why moral advocacy leads to polarization and proselytization: The role of self-persuasion. Journal of Social and Political Psychology, 8(2), 473–503. https://doi.org/10.5964/jspp.v8i2.1346

Hartman, R., Blakey, W., Womick, J., Bail, C., Finkel, E. J., Han, H., … & Gray, K. (2022). Interventions to reduce partisan animosity. Nature Human Behaviour, 6(9), 1194-1205. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-022-01442-3

Kalla, J. L., & Broockman, D. E. (2023). Which narrative strategies durably reduce prejudice? Evidence from field and survey experiments supporting the efficacy of perspective‐getting. American Journal of Political Science, 67(1), 185-204. https://doi.org/10.1111/ajps.12657

Kubin, E., Puryear, C., Schein, C., & Gray, K. (2021). Personal experiences bridge moral and political divides better than facts. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(6), e2008389118. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.200838911

Puryear, C., & Gray, K. (2021, October 19). Using “Balanced Pragmatism” in political discussions increases cross-partisan respect. https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/yhpdt

Yeomans, M., Minson, J., Collins, H., Chen, F., & Gino, F. (2020). Conversational receptiveness: Improving engagement with opposing views. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 160, 131-148. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020.03.011