Practicing Shallow vs. Deep Curiosity

Instructions

Overview

Humans are naturally curious beings, and our curiosity helps us understand the fascinating world around us. Yet, we often look at someone and make assumptions about them without actually asking any questions. At the same time, we feel hurt and misunderstood when someone else does the same to us. How can we avoid this unpleasant experience? By rekindling our innate curiosity, we can create connections with those around us.

To practice curiosity, let us first break it down into two types: shallow and deep.

Shallow Curiosity:

Shallow curiosity is the standard version of curiosity as we know it: asking questions to gain information. Examples include: asking someone their name, where they live, what they like to eat for dinner, and what their favorite movie is. Shallow curiosity helps us build an initial connection with new people, as if opening a small window into their life. We start to get to know them with our shallow curiosity, which feels like cautiously stepping into unknown waters.

Deep Curiosity:

Once we are comfortable with someone (and they appear comfortable with us), we can ask them deeper questions: what the story behind their name is, what they like best about where they live, what a dinner conversation looks like in their family, and which character they most identify with in their favorite movie and why. Deep curiosity can open a door to the heart and help us make a stronger connection with others. It feels like swimming in deep waters, witnessing the mesmerizing hidden sea world.

Let’s practice shallow and deep curiosity with a simple exercise:

1. Think of three questions that reflect shallow curiosity. Write them down.
2. Now think of three deep questions that parallel and build on your shallow questions. Write them down. See the table above for examples.
3. Pick someone you have not interacted with much. If you are not feeling adventurous, choose someone you feel more comfortable asking questions to.
4. Ask this person any of your shallow questions first. Listen to their response and gauge if you want to ask another shallow question and repeat. Allow the other person to ask you questions too. Take turns.
5. If you feel you have built an initial rapport (e.g., “Does this conversation feel comfortable for you? May I ask you a deeper question?”), try asking one of your deeper questions. Listen patiently and intently, and gauge the comfort level of the other person before asking a follow-up or a new question (e.g., “May I ask you a follow-up question?).
6. Your partner may not feel comfortable with some of your questions and could say something like, “I would prefer not to answer this question right now. Do you have another one you would like to ask me?” Respect their preference, take a pause, and change your question.
7. Now let the other person ask you questions. Answer candidly. But if you feel uncomfortable, gently request them to change the question.
8. Take turns. You may move back and forth between shallow and deep questions depending on the flow of the conversation.

After the conversation, reflect on the following questions in pairs:

• How did you feel about the conversation? At the beginning? At the end? Apprehensive? Cautious? Comfortable? Was it amusing? Meaningful? Stressful? Invasive?
• What did you learn about the other person? Did you learn anything new?
• What stood out for you from the conversation? Why?
• Did you gain a new insight about the other person? How might that help you?

Reflect on one or more of the following questions as a whole group:

• Did you find this exercise helpful? In what ways?
• How did you feel during the shallow curiosity moments? During the deep curiosity moments? Did those two moments feel different to you?
• How did you feel about your connection with the other person after the conversation compared to how you felt before? Did anything change within you?
• What did you think about your questions? Should you change them in any way for next time? How can you make your deep questions deeper? When would it be more appropriate to ask them?
• How do you know that you have built enough trust with someone else to ask them deeper questions about themselves?

Closure/Extensions

Ask your students:

How might you use shallow and deep curiosity in the future? Where? In what situations?

Next steps: Try doing this practice in a real-life situation, for example, when you see someone sad or happy on the playground, in the classroom, or in the dining hall. Try to make a gentle connection with them using your curiosity.

Source

This practice was adapted based on an exercise introduced in Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life And Change The World by Scott Shigeoka.

Evidence That It Works

Curiosity is the driver of learning. It is closely linked to students’ academic performance. Specifically, curiosity is one of the strongest predictors of academic success in both math and reading for both children and teenagers. As teachers and learners, our language (including the questions we ask) can significantly influence our curiosity and attitudes about learning. Questions can be powerful tools to foster a sense of joyful exploration in a classroom. Studies also show that students’ curiosity is linked to their life satisfaction, positive emotions, hope, purpose in life, as well as self-compassion.

Why Does It Matter?

Curiosity serves as a motivational drive in almost all human activities, ranging from gathering information to solving the mysteries of the world around us. Students acquire new knowledge about language, relationships, and surroundings through their curiosity. Science thrives on curiosity. More importantly, curiosity plays a crucial role in fostering well-being and finding meaning in life, especially in highly uncertain and challenging times such as the COVID-19 pandemic and among young adults.

Curiosity promotes engagement, responsiveness, and flexibility to other’s diverse perspectives, thereby helping in building social bonds and positive relationships in school and beyond. Leading with deep curiosity allows us to challenge our assumptions and biases, which is especially important in the times of social isolation and loneliness. As a counter to rising societal polarization and social divides, curiosity can help us build bridges with those who we do not necessarily agree with.