How Would You Treat A Friend?

Instructions

Take out a sheet of paper or open a blank document on your computer and go through the following steps.

1. First, think about times when a close friend of yours feels really badly or is struggling in some way. How do you respond to your friend in these situations (if you’re at your best)? Please write down what you typically do and say, and note the tone in which you talk to your friend.
2. Now think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Please write down what you typically do and say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
3. Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently?
4. Write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself when you’re suffering in the same way you typically respond to a close friend.
5. Next time you are struggling with something, try treating yourself like a good friend and see what happens.

Source

Kristin Neff, Ph.D., University of Texas, Austin

​Center for Mindful Self-Compassion

Evidence That It Works

One study found that participants who recalled a time when they gave emotional support to a friend reported greater self-compassion for themselves around a problem with which they were struggling, compared with participants who didn’t think about supporting a friend.

Research suggests that self-compassion practices are a form of self-care that may reduce burnout in adults who work in service-oriented professions like teaching. A review of 22 self-compassion related therapies indicates that self-compassion approaches can reduce both anxiety and depression. In fact, self-compassion strategies may even be more effective in addressing depressed mood than strategies like reappraisal (shifting your thinking about a negative event) and acceptance.

Why Does It Matter?

When we face challenges with students or colleagues, and we beat ourselves up about them as a result, we can end up feeling even more stressed and isolated. A healthier response is to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, and the self-compassion break is a great way to self-soothe during times of stress at school. In fact, teachers who are more mindful and self-compassionate foster more emotionally supportive relationships with students in their classrooms.

And for those using the practice with students, self-compassionate college students are more likely to ask questions, seek help, and participate in the classroom activities, while high school students who practice self-compassion report greater social connectedness as well as lower anxiety and depression.