Kindness and Compassion for Adults

Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” It is defined as the feeling that arises when you perceive another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

Compassion can arise from empathy–the more general ability to understand and feel others’ emotions–but goes further by also including the desire to help. Of course, we can feel compassion without acting on it, and not all helpful acts are motivated by compassion.

When compassion does lead to action, we often call the result kindness. Kindness always includes the intention to benefit other people, especially (though not always) at a cost or risk to ourselves.

Research has shown that compassion and kindness are deeply rooted in human nature–our first impulse is to cooperate rather than compete. Even toddlers spontaneously help people in need out of genuine concern for their welfare.

A high school teacher notices that one of his students is walking more slowly these days, with his shoulders slumped and a sad look on his face. The teacher takes the student aside after class, asking if anything is the matter, and learns that the student’s mother has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Having lost his own mother at a young age to illness, the teacher’s empathy quickly turns into compassion. He acknowledges the difficult emotions that the student is feeling and offers to put him in touch with a counselor at the school. Moving forward, the teacher checks in regularly with the student, making adjustments to assignments and other classwork as needed.

A school principal who taught for 20 years before becoming an administrator is concerned for the well-being of her staff in the new school year. Before school begins, she takes the time to check in with each staff member in order to create a personal connection, and asks for their ideas of how to prioritize care for the staff. The principal takes these ideas to the first staff meeting and together the staff creates a plan to put their ideas into action.

A new middle school teacher is eager to begin the school year, envisioning a classroom in which all students are motivated to learn, but quickly realizes how difficult it is to make her vision a reality. Not wanting to appear less than perfect, she silently suffers and finds it hard to ask for help. Three months into the school year, another teacher notices the exhaustion on the new teacher’s face and starts checking in with her on a regular basis. The new teacher responds to her colleague’s kindness and realizes that it’s safe to ask for advice. She joins a professional learning community at her school, offering her even more support, and eventually becomes a leader in providing new teacher support.