What Can Help Us Bridge Differences Right Now?

Whether you’re facing a disgruntled parent, a fired-up colleague who insists that you’re wrong, or you’ve just stumbled upon a bullying incident in the hallway, how do you model “healthy,” constructive dialogue? As an educator, you may have a few communication courses under your belt. Maybe you pause and take deep breaths before responding to the parent’s text. Perhaps you paraphrase your angry colleague’s words—and make your best attempt to put yourself in their shoes. You may also have a bullying intervention protocol you can follow. All good things.

The kicker, of course, is this: dialogue that seems achievable “on paper” doesn’t necessarily play out the same way in the real world. Conflict is dynamic and often disorienting, and our bodies let us know. We each bring our beautiful, faulty selves to every interaction—our identities, our past experiences, our sensitive nervous systems, and our day-to-day struggles.

Communicating, especially across our perceived differences, is deeply personal, humbling, and lifelong work. Yes, there are meaningful tools and protocols for navigating difficult conversations, and I believe we need them to guide us. However, it can also be empowering to lean into the values that enliven our connections with ourselves, our students, and the community members we serve.

At the Greater Good Science Center, we see “bridging” as a principle for building communities where everyone belongs. We define bridging differences as “(a) seeing the humanity of people or groups whose backgrounds or views differ from your own; and (b) better understanding their perspectives.”

For me, one of the most freeing aspects of bridging is that it doesn’t mean I must change or necessarily be changed. It simply calls me to seek to understand. In a recent New York Times piece, Ezra Klein captures this sentiment for me:

“Conversation is not a reward to be bestowed on those with whom we agree; it’s a necessary habit in a democracy. The point is not to find agreement so much as to deepen understanding. To talk with others is to believe in the possibility of change—theirs and your own. Whether you like everything that someone has said should be severed from the question of whether that person is worth talking to.”

Indeed, recent research suggests that meaningful dialogue doesn’t require agreement (or even brain synchrony). In fact, dialogue partners (whether friends or strangers) who engaged in an open exploration of ideas reported having more satisfying and productive conversations.

I’m inspired by Klein’s words, and research that encourages me to opt into conversations that acknowledge and investigate differences rather than avoiding them altogether. As political polarization reaches a fever pitch globally, the stakes are higher than ever. We are bearing witness to standoffs at school board meetings, recurring government shutdowns, and a slew of international wars. Whether our fists are up or our arms are crossed, we need more than a set of concrete practices to give us a sense of our footing.

As my Greater Good Science Center colleagues share, “bridging practices are more than skill-building tools; they do something deeper—they help strengthen our character … and the moral qualities that guide our identity and behavior, especially in how we treat each other.” And qualities like curiosity, intellectual humility, and empathy are foundational to bridging differences.

Curiosity, a key quality (or character strength in action), drives learning and meaningful dialogue. Curiosity says, “Tell me more; I want to understand.” It promotes engagement, responsiveness, and flexibility to other’s diverse perspectives, helpful in building social bonds and positive relationships. Studies also show that students’ curiosity can be linked to their life satisfaction, positive emotions, hope, purpose in life, as well as self-compassion.

Research also suggests that curiosity and intellectual humility go hand in hand. When we’re intellectually humble, we have the capacity to admit, “I may be wrong,”—and to be open to changing our thinking. According to studies, people high in intellectual humility are more willing to learn about opposing perspectives and are better able to engage in conversations about controversial topics.

Finally, if we can tap into empathy (“I feel with you—and your perspective”), we bring more heart into the conversation. If I sincerely attempt to hear your story, despite our differences, maybe I can begin to understand your values (and what drives you) a little bit better. Research suggests that empathy contributes to a safer school culture and kinder, more inclusive student behaviors. In fact, increased empathy is linked to a decrease in bullying and aggression among students.

If curiosity, humility and empathy are core qualities undergirding bridging work, how might they (and other bridging virtues) inform our everyday challenges?

When I’m caught up in a conflict with someone, I typically hunker down in the weeds of analysis. Who said what? Why? How do we repair? Rumination is a default survival strategy for me. And yet, if I look up and take a figurative step forward (drawing on bridging as a core value and these three qualities as guideposts), I experience a greater sense of ease and perspective.

Research tells us that our values play a powerful role in guiding our intentions—in the long-term even more than the short-term. In fact, we’re more likely to act on value-based intentions when we connect them to a more distant future. I always feel more grounded when I reconnect with my big-picture why (the humanizing value of bridging) work—and what it might look like in action when expressed through curiosity, humility, and empathy.

At the Greater Good Science Center, we co-create these values-centered spaces through our communities of practice. And this summer, we’re offering K-12 education professionals (of all kinds!) a place to build connection and enact the qualities of curiosity, humility, and empathy in a program called “Bridging for Belonging.” So, I invite you to join us as we share our respective bridge-building challenges and practice bridging differences, together, in a supportive, open-hearted community.