Asking Powerful Questions

Instructions

Overview

Deep curiosity, when channeled appropriately, can be a powerful tool for building meaningful relationships. Asking rich, “powerful” questions nurtures deep curiosity and helps us get to know others more intimately. By going beyond “weak” questions, we demonstrate respect for the other person, honoring their humanity and dignity. When we dig deeper, we show genuine interest and concern for the person in front of us, fostering a more meaningful connection.

However, it’s natural to draw a blank when thinking of relevant questions to ask in real-life situations, such as when you are with friends on a school trip or you’re sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch. So why not make a list of questions beforehand and keep it handy? That way, you can make the most of your curiosity-driven conversations!

But how do you know if a question is worth adding to your list? There are four things that distinguish weak questions from more powerful ones.

1. The question is open-ended: Ask yourself if the question can be answered with just a “Yes,” “No,” or another brief response. If so, it will likely not lead to a meaningful conversation. Try starting with “Why,” “What,” or “How.”
2. The question is rooted in genuine interest or concern: Consider whether you are asking a leading question that simply confirms something you want to believe. Such questions can come across as predatory (invasive, self-serving, or exploitative). Instead, aim to foster genuine interest in or concern for the person you are speaking with.
3. The question is appropriate for the relationship: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider whether you would be comfortable answering the question. While the goal is to go beyond surface-level conversation, be mindful of how close you are to the other person before delving into sensitive topics.
4. The question is original: Common questions like “How are you?” are often overused and become routine. To spark interest, try asking something more novel.

See the table below for examples of weak and powerful questions.

Here are some additional examples of powerful questions:

• What excites you about school? What part of school do you not enjoy? (vs. Do you like this school?)
• What are the most important things you look for in a friendship? Why? (vs. Who would you most like to be friends with in our class?)
• How do you feel about tests? How do you prepare for tests? What do you do in the week before tests? (vs. How did you do on the test? What grade did you get?)
• Have you changed your mind about something you believed in for a long time? What made you change your mind? (vs. How can you believe in X thing?)

Let’s create a list of powerful questions with a simple exercise:

1. Imagine a situation where you might lean into your deep curiosity—a dinner with your family, a walk with a friend, or a conversation with a stranger on the bus. What would you like to know about them to understand them more deeply? Think of things beyond the usual information, such as their education or work. You might want to learn about their:
   – Personal values and beliefs
   – Life experiences
   – Aspirations and goals
   – Relationships and connections
   – Passions and interests
   – Emotional life
   – Challenges and growth
   – Philosophical or spiritual views
   – Cultural background and identity
   – Fears and vulnerabilities

2. Now, think of 8-10 questions based on the areas listed above and write them down. Refer to the table above for examples. (Note: If nothing comes to mind, try seeking help from the Internet or generative AI tools like ChatGPT for brainstorming.)
3. Review each of your questions against the four criteria for powerful questions mentioned earlier. See if you need to adjust the wording. (You can also use generative AI tools like ChatGPT to refine your questions.)
4. Ask yourself the powerful questions you have added to your list first. How do they make you feel? If in doubt, soften the question by adding more empathetic words while reminding yourself of the appropriate tone (kind, gentle, open, positive, genuinely interested, non-accusatory) you should use when asking these questions.
5. Now, swap your list of questions with someone in your class. Ask them to review your questions, and in exchange, review theirs. Suggest changes to make each other’s questions more powerful.
6. Save the list of revised questions somewhere easily accessible, such as a notepad on your phone.
7. After your pair conversation, reflect on one or more of the following questions as a whole group:
8. What areas of inquiry did you naturally lean toward?
9. What questions did you avoid or feel reluctant or hesitant to ask?
10. What care might you take when asking these questions?
11. Did you find this exercise helpful? In what ways?
12. Powerful questions can be uncomfortable because of the uncertainty they bring. How might you handle the discomfort that comes with deep curiosity?

Closure

Ask your students:

• How might you use your list of powerful questions in the future? Where? In what situations?

Next Steps:

Encourage students to practice deep curiosity by using their list of questions in real-life situations, as appropriate.

Ask students to:

• Keep their list of questions dynamic. Add new questions to the list as they come to mind, and remind them not to lock themselves into their initial list.
• Ask themselves their own questions and reflect on the answers they would give. Encourage them to explore their inner selves with curiosity as well.

Source

This practice was adapted based on an exercise introduced in Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life And Change The World by Scott Shigeoka.

Evidence That It Works

Curiosity is the driver of learning. It is closely linked to students’ academic performance. Specifically, curiosity is one of the strongest predictors of academic success in both math and reading for both children and teenagers. As teachers and learners, our language (including the questions we ask) can significantly influence our curiosity and attitudes about learning. Questions can be powerful tools to foster a sense of joyful exploration in a classroom. Studies also show that students’ curiosity is linked to their life satisfaction, positive emotions, hope, purpose in life, as well as self-compassion.

Why Does It Matter?

Curiosity serves as a motivational drive in almost all human activities, ranging from gathering information to solving the mysteries of the world around us. Students acquire new knowledge about language, relationships, and surroundings through their curiosity. Science thrives on curiosity. More importantly, curiosity plays a crucial role in fostering well-being and finding meaning in life, especially in highly uncertain and challenging times such as the COVID-19 pandemic and among young adults.

Curiosity promotes engagement, responsiveness, and flexibility to other’s diverse perspectives, thereby helping in building social bonds and positive relationships in school and beyond. Leading with deep curiosity allows us to challenge our assumptions and biases, which is especially important in the times of social isolation and loneliness. As a counter to rising societal polarization and social divides, curiosity can help us build bridges with those who we do not necessarily agree with.